Relationships that work

Sometimes it’s difficult to know how you’re supposed to act in relationships.

There’s a great booklet and website created by young women. It is about relationships and is called ‘When Love Hurts’.

DVRCV's booklet and site contains a ‘Respect Checklist’ which outlines your rights in a good relationship. It says:

If you are in a relationship, you must be treated with respect, which means your boyfriend or girlfriend:

  • is willing to compromise
  • lets you feel comfortable being yourself
  • is able to admit to being wrong
  • tries to resolve conflict by talking honestly
  • enables you to feel safe being with them
  • respects your feelings, your opinions and your friends
  • accepts you saying no to things you don't want to do (like sex)
  • accepts you changing your mind
  • respects your wishes if you want to end the relationship 

When someone loves you, you feel valued, respected and free to be yourself. You shouldn't be made to feel intimidated or controlled. Think about your relationship - do you feel respected?

The site also lists some reasons why a young woman could be uneasy about a relationship – including when they:

  • feel nervous around their boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner
  • feel they have to be careful to control their behaviour to avoid their partner’s anger
  • feel pressured when it comes to sex
  • are scared of their partner disagreeing with them
  • are criticised or humiliated in front of other people
  • are checked up on or questioned about what they do without their partner
  • are repeatedly and wrongly accused of seeing or flirting with other people
  • are told if they changed they wouldn't be abused
  • are made to feel wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate
  • are stopped from seeing family or friends by their partner’s jealousy 
  • are scared with violence or threatening behaviour
  • often do things to please their partner, rather than to please themselves
  • are prevented from going out or doing things they want to do
  • feel that, with them, nothing they do is ever good enough
  • are told their partner will kill or hurt themself if they break up with them
  • are told excuses for their partner’s behaviour, for example, by saying it's because of alcohol or drugs, or because they can't control their temper, or that they were 'just joking'